I am leaving tomorrow for Bordeaux.
I think I have to repeat that to myself over and over again before I believe it. Like I told Erin today, this entire semester I've been operating under the mindset of "If it doesn't work out, I can drop out." Call me a pessimist, but I think I might have been waiting for some disaster, even as I packed my suitcases and said my goodbyes. I never felt fully committed to the idea that I was actually going through with this, which is probably why right now it's hitting me like a Texas thunderstorm.
Holy holy holy holy fuck.
Appropriately, Feist just started playing on Pandora -
I feel it all, I feel it all
I feel it all, I feel it all
The wings are wide, the wings are wide
Wild card inside, wild card inside
There are a million things running through my head. I don't feel prepared at all, but then again I don't think I ever could. Tomorrow I fly to Paris with a layover at Heathrow, and from there I'm taking the TGV to Bordeaux.
I told Alex on the phone a few hours ago that I feel like nervousness is supplanting excitement - simply because my brain can't conceive of what's to come. I can't imagine myself alone in a foreign country. I can't imagine speaking broken French to flight attendants and train operators. I can't imagine finally arriving at Gare St. Jean in Bordeaux and scanning the crowd for a sign with my name on it.
All I need to do is calm down and breathe. Good thing that's impossible.
1 comment:
Aw Lisa, you'll have an amazing time! First off, your French is beautiful. Really. You're going to blow everyone away :) Second, you will NOT be alone in a foreign country: you have Cara and didn't you say you know most of the billion others going to Bordeaux from Cal? Third, you're used to being in places where you don't know THAT many people...how many did you know at Cal before you started?
Sooooo, in conclusion, you'll be fine! So no more freak outs! But if you need to call someone, feel free to call me :)
Post a Comment